This is the final post in a series of five ways you can reinvigorate your marriage by Valentine’s Day. Each post is short and sweet, but together they will make a difference to your relationship, particularly if, like mine, your priorities have shifted since you had kids, and your marriage hasn’t gotten the attention it once did.
If you missed the first four, they were:
The final resolution is…
According to couples counsellors Drs. John and Julie Gottman, 15-20% of couples have no sex at all. Even if you’re not part of this statistic, you and your spouse are probably not having nearly as much as you once did. It’s easy to put sex on the back burner when there are so many other priorities in life: work, kids, housework, grocery shopping, catching up on the latest Bachelor episode.
By the time we crawl into bed, most of us are getting way less than the recommended 8 hours of sleep per night. And we’re simply too exhausted at that point to give our spouse the physical attention they need.
So what’s a busy couple to do? Try scheduling a sex date. Three hours devoted entirely to sex. Some couples seem to be resistant to scheduling sex. We tend to believe that only spontaneous sex is romantic. Well, let me ask you this: How’s that been working out for you?
Besides sex, there are lots of little ways you can show your spouse physical affection. It’s easy to let these fade away when kids are part of our lives. Breastfeeding, cuddling, kissing booboos, carrying kids on your hip for hours per day can make you feel like the last thing you want to do is kiss or hug your spouse. But once again, the little things make a big difference. Here are a few reasons to incorporate little kisses, hugs, backrubs, bum-grabs, and sexy texts into your day:
- They’re quick, easy ways to say “Thank you”, “You’re hot”, or “I love you” amongst the craziness of daily life;
- If the only reason you touch your partner is to initiate sex, it can make it more of a chore than fun;
- It’s easier to bring it to a boil at night when you’ve been keeping it at a simmer all day.
Recently, a friend of mine realized it had been a while since she’d given her husband any sexual attention, so she sent him a steamy text during a workday. Unfortunately, it had been so long since she’d flirted with him, he was caught off-guard and sent a sarcastic reply. It ended up killing the romance instead of igniting it, and she realized she needed to do a better job of keeping their sex life at a constant simmer.
I hope “Five Ways to Invigorate Your Marriage by Valentine’s Day” gave you some helpful ideas. I know I’m still working at incorporating some of them into my own relationship, and it’s an ongoing effort. I’d love to get your feedback – please share what worked best for you in the comments below, or what you’re still struggling with.